When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I checked into jail on foursquare
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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