fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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