At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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