Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
