Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
