Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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