my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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