Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
