dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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