He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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