I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
