I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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