I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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