I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
