he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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