Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
