Sry I called you an 8
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
