this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
