I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
