He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
