: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
