im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
