help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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