How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
