You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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