Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
