it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
