a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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