I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
