the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
