and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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