is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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