I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
