omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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