listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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