Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
