how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
