lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
