my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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