ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
