woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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