I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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