Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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