Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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