a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
