Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
