alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
