I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
