I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
