So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
