i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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