apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
