dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
