cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
