then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
