She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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