Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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