im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
