Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
