Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
