Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well you can't waste a boner
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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