Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
