dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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