I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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