Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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