I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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