Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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