I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
