You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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