This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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