I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize