I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
