I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
