I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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