Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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