he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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