Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
