I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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