It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
