I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
