Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
