Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
