I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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