my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
