Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
