Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
