Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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