My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
