I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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