Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My life is pants optional.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
