i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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